No Fear

The last week has been an interesting one for sure. On Thursday, my neighbor and one of my best friends died from cirrhosis of the liver. She was an alcoholic and well, this is how they die sometimes. It was eye-opening for sure. She had been in the hospital and was sent home to die. I can't say I was pleased about any of this, but reality wins....always.

I had been at her house on Wednesday night and got to see her for the last time. She was pale and taking morphine for the pain so talking to her was out the question. She could barely open her eyes. Her belly was distended for acites fluid. Her friends were there and they were crying and carrying on. I didn't really know what to make of it. Watching her made me think of my life and how I live it. I don't want to die like that.

Thursday morning, she passed away in her sleep. She's going to be cremated and her ashes scattered at a golf course she used to play golf at. Her husband is sort of at a loss. Her death really happened so fast. First she was in the hospital, then she came home and died.

It reminds me that I need to take my life as a blessing. A blessing that needs to be nutured and enjoyed.

So on that note, I'm facing my fears. My neighbor rides a motorcycle. Both her and her husband do. I used to ride, but stopped because of fear. Now, I want to ride again and I will. I am promising myself that I will.

Her husband took me out today on her bike and started reteaching me how to ride. I was really nervous so I took a deep breath and did what he told me to do....word for word, step by step.

We started with braking and I seemed to get that down. He taught me about the clutch and gear shift. Now I drive a stick shift car which is similar to a motorcycle. As we were going over the clutch/gear lesson, I started to imagine that my left hand was my left foot. Finding the sweet spot is just that....finding...waiting....feeling the clutch grab and then giving it a bit of juice to get going..

and then it happened. I did it. First try, I got the bike to move and I didn't fall over or run into anything. I even stopped and remembered the clutch!!!

It was absolutely amazing!

After a few rounds about the parking lot, we went home because it started to rain. I swear....I want a bike so bad now.....

No more fear....or cigarettes....or hard liquor.