I try to be a good person. Really I do. When I'm out shopping or what not, I try to be kind and nice to everyone I meet. When dealing with my friends, I try to stay positive and warm hearted to them. When things don't go my way, I try not to take it out on other people.
Unfortunately, I am still human and I do get angry sometimes. Today I can feel the blood in my veins start to bubble a little because something I tried to do which was a good thing that ended up not so good.
I have a friend who's in Afghanistan right now on deployment. Over a month ago, I sent him a package. I spent money I didn't have and did all of the postage online and what not.
The first problem encountered was with the postage. I didn't have enough. The postmaster was nasty to me about it. I was like "Sorry" and paid the difference right there. I figured, be kind and it will end up ok.
Then I never get confirmation that it was received. I figured, maybe it's just taking longer. Who knows. I figured my friend would let me know if he got the package and the mail I have been sending him. Granted, he replies to everyone else's wall on FB, just not mine.
Today I go and pick up my mail and guess what is waiting for me in my mailbox. You guessed it! The package I sent to my friend was sitting in there with a heap of blackmarks and what not all over it. According to them, it was unforwardable. Nothing was wrong with the postage or anything, it was just UNFORWARDABLE.
Grrrrr....WTF? He's in the g-damn military! Yes, he did move bases but what the hell! I was informed that it would be forwarded. What the hell does our postal service do all day that they can't get a package to a serviceman who is deployed and taking care of our country? What the hell!!!
So I don't know if I'll be sending said friend anymore packages and letters. I think this was a sign from the heavens that I should just leave well enough alone. I made a complete ass of myself in January before he left and said something to him that I should have kept to myself.
I know I know, I should just let it go and send it because I really do care for him and I did mean what I said. Right now, however, at this moment, I don't want to send it. I don't want to write him letters that he'll never reply to or even acknowledge. It hurts my feelings.
Since this is the year of change and I am totally changing, I'm thinking I should just let him go his own way. I guess it's my way of expressing the "if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was" sentiment. He's got a plethora of friends, fans and followers that he continually messages on FB. My only question is Who the hell am I to this guy and why do I give a shit??
The message in my heart tells me that I am no one to him and I should just turn my back and be on my merry way. I'm pretty sure that the package getting returned to me was a sure sign of that and since my eyes are wide open and I'm seeing things as they really truly are, I believe that is my only course of action.
Of course, I'll continue to pray for him and his safe return, but as far as sending packages and letters, I believe I am done. He's got enough others that can do that for him.
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