July 29, 2010
Smile. It makes people wonder what you are up to.
How true those words are. Really though, maybe there is something more to your smile. Maybe you’re tormented inside and you don’t want to share that with the world so you hide behind your smile. Maybe you smile when you’re nervous or feeling anxious about something. Maybe you’re smiling because you are happy. Only you know why you’re smiling. A smile can make people wonder what you are up to.
A few years ago when I was training to be a Jazzercise instructor, the lady I was working with to prepare for my audition used to get on me about smiling. She said I was taking everything too seriously and I needed to smile more. That meant not just while I was on the stage teaching, but when I practiced as well. I thought she was nuts. I used to think in my head, “Smile when I’m practicing? I’m too busy to smile because I want to learn the routines to perfection. I don’t have time to smile, you crazy lady! I’m up here, trying to remember the routine, cue the changes and dance it all at the same time!”
For weeks, I would practice, I would learn routines and afterward, I would go and teach them to her. I would be jumping around the stage, grooving to the music, giving out directions and being as perky as I could be. I thought I was doing great and it felt good to be on the stage. Unfortunately, every time I’d finish a routine, she always had the same thing to say to me: “Tobi, you must smile more. Please, just smile. You know the routine, you teach it flawlessly, but you are not smiling. In fact, I’m not sure you’re having fun.”
I would leave the practice sessions sad and bewildered because I had worked so hard and just wanted her to be happy with me so she would hire me to teach at her center. A few days went by and after I had seriously thought about what she said, I figured, what the hell. I’ll take her advice and practice smiling while I was practicing at home.
It was hard at first and it felt forced, but after a while, smiling while practicing got easier. In fact, after one of our last practice sessions, she actually told me that I needed to smile all the time, not just when I was on stage because my smile lighted up my face. What a nice thing to say!
So I taught my first routine, I smiled throughout the whole song. It was amazing to be standing on the stage, looking down at my students, smiling at them and having them smile back. What I realized that first time was that smiles, like yawns, are contagious.
You smile, they smile, you smile bigger, they smile bigger, you grin, they grin and on and on it goes. Smiling can be addictive. I ended up teaching jazzercise for several years which was great because I got to be on stage, I got to make people happy and of course, I got to smile. I was sad to leave Jazzercise, but I still hold fond memories of my students, the stage and all the smiles.
Now, smiling is a way of life for me. I can’t stop myself from smiling most days even if it seems like I have nothing to smile about. I can be having the worst day ever, but if I can find one thing to smile about or a friendly face which smiles at me, life is ok.
Being here in Bethel has been somewhat different, but I swear, every day when I walk down the halls of the hospital, people always smile back at me when I smile at them. It’s got to be one of the best things about being here. One day at lunch, I was in the cafeteria and at one of the tables was a little old woman. She had the most beautiful face and dreamy, milky blue eyes. She caught her looking at me so I smiled at her. In an instant, her face lit up in the most beautiful smile that just made my whole day. I went back into the lab feeling really good about life.
So I’m looking forward to a lot of things in my future at this point and I’m sitting here on my bed with a big smile on my face. I can’t help myself. It’s addictive.
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