To thine own self be true

I know who I am. I know what I like. I know what I can deal with. I know what I want from my life. For these things I am grateful.

Unfortunately, sometimes I forget and try things in the hopes that they will become me or I them. My latest adventure turned out this way.

I applied to a program thinking it was an all encompassing masters program. Whoops! I didn't read the fine print and it turns out it's not a masters program. It's a licensure program for grades 7-12. I didn't find that out until I had already been accepted and was taking classes for the program.

I figured, well what can it hurt. Teaching is teaching, right? Wrong. I finished this summer with the hopes that maybe this would become me. I was paired up with someone that I chose and who chose me.

Was it a good fit? After a few weeks, no. I'm flexible. I'm happy, hippy and open to things, ideas and everything else. My partner, not so much. So I gave into her over and over again hoping that it would fit. Magically, it would work out.

Deep down though, I started getting this pit in my stomach. What was I thinking? I have never wanted to teach middle school. Never. I'm a college professor. I like teaching college. My partner didn't like anything I said or did. We couldn't agree on anything so I made concessions and compromises so it would work out. Did it work? Well as time progressed, the pit in my stomach got larger and larger. What the hell was I doing? The closer it came to the dead line which is tomorrow, the more I started to realize that this just wasn't me. I'd prefer to be in a normal traditional grad school program where I can max myself out in coursework for a few semesters instead of be teaching middle school. Also, if I am in a tradition program, I can teach at the college level which is what I like and want to do.

See, I do know myself.

Yes, the deadline is tomorrow. I resigned my position in the program I was dutifully trying to fulfill. A lot of people are pissed at me for doing that, but I wasn't happy and I didn't see myself being happy. I couldn't visualize it in my head. I'm a college professor, NOT a middle school teacher. To thine own self be true....even if it pisses others off. The only person you have to answer to is yourself at the end of the day.