The Path

How odd. I got on one road, ended up merging with another and ended up here. Thankfully, it has one hell of a view and seems to be headed towards paradise.

Today I woke up and puttered about the house for a bit. The coffee was hot, the tunes were blasting and I was cleaning. I hate to clean yet today, I was somehow immersed in complete joy as I dusted, mopped and did laundry. What the hell has happened to me? Maybe I have finally become the housewife my ex-husband so desired me to be so many years ago.

My god-parents are in town. We were all supposed to have lunch. I showered and gussied myself up and prepared for the feast. My father never called so I called him and found out that everyone was meeting at the home that my grandmother is in. I thought we were going to lunch, but I was wrong. Eventually, I figured, what the hell, I might as well go see them and my grandmother at the same time.

I don't think I have ever been more happy that I put on make-up and some fancy shoes in my life. I walked into the room to find my grandmother lying on the bed and two of my aunts there. It's always a hard thing for me to be around my father's family. I'm not like them and therefore never feel like I fit in. Today however, it didn't really matter.

After a few pleasantries and chat about what's been going on I realized something. If nothing else, my father is very proud of me, just as I am very proud of me. It's ok that I am not like 'them'. I never have been, so why would things change now?

A bit later, more of the family showed up. Of course, my poor grandmother still hadn't moved from her supine position on the bed. I so wish I had been alone with her at that moment, but I wasn't.

It was really great to see everyone, but at the same time bittersweet. After sitting in the chair and hearing all of the stories about my family I realized that I will never fit in with them....ever. I never have and I never will.

I kept looking over at my grandmother and realized that everything in the universe was exactly the way it was supposed to be at that moment. She smiled at me and tried to laugh because I am have always been the one of three female grandchildren that does what she likes, has great success and always brightens the room...no matter what. As much as she and I are not alike, we are in spirit. Her blue eyes are my blue eyes. Her passion for designing clothing is mine as well. She always wanted to be independent and I am independent.

Driving home, I had an epiphany that the path I am on belongs to me and no one else. It may have no course, but it's mine....

I have no doubt now that I will go to medical school and finish my PhD. I am going to move to the east coast. My life is exactly as it was meant to be. I will always be who I am, cruising down the road with a big grin on my face, no matter where it takes me.