No Answers

Sometimes there are no answers.

Absolutely none. The only answer is silence. Loud and clear silence.

I debated about blogging about this for a while now and I've finally found the courage to do so. My heart is broken. Completely and utterly broken and I can't seem to find any way to fix it other than to move forward with my life and finish doing all the things I have set forth to do.

Still, everyday I find my mind wandering aimlessly with a certain person in mind. A certain person who didn't have the decency to even tell me good bye or fuck off or go to hell.

So what happened? Honestly, I'm not sure. One day, things were fine and then one day, they were not fine. I'm not sure how they changed so quickly, but I am very aware of that fact now. It resonates in my head and heart like a big empty space of static.

Once upon a time, we talked everyday no matter where we were in the world. Now, there is only the silence. Once upon a time, he couldn't not talk to me. Today, there is the silence. Once upon a time, we made plans for the future. Again, however, there is the silence.

For several months, I got to know this man to the point that I wholy trusted and fell in love with him. We had planned a life together and were working together to achieve that. I was looking forward to a future with him because he was a man I liked and respected. He made me laugh when I was down. He was there for me when I needed him. I was completely enamoured and in some ways still am. Unfortunately, at this point in time all of it has become a distant memory of good talks and time spent longing for the future of what could have been.

I suppose I was wrong about him though and now, I have to contend with the horrible feeling that he didn't ever feel the same for me or if he did, it wasn't as strong for him. He promised never to hurt me or leave me. I don't know what changed but something did and now all my hope to be with him is gone. He is gone and I wonder if it was something I did.

He has completely quit talking to me so now there every day I contend with the silence. My text messages go unanswered. I haven't bothered to email, because I know those too will go unanswered and ignored.

Sometimes there are no answers. Only the silence.